Well the count is on... But not on...

I went on a diet yesterday.  I lasted until about 6 ish when I got home and started to think about dinner.  The boy's girlfriend came around and so we tossed and turned about what to eat; mentioning the diet and then glossing over it.

Well I had been to boxing so I figured what the hell!  I dieted all day! Of course that is easier for his girlfriend; she's got one of those "eat what you like" figures; like a praying mantis lol, the girl and I are not so lucky.

Finally, I made pizza dough and on my way out the door to boxing, left strict instructions for the boy to light the pizza oven.  It's an outdoor type that uses wood and allows you to cook your masterpieces with all manor of toppings!

So off to boxing I went; got a sweat up and I had walked twice through the day!

Okay.  So I guess it is still on?  The trick with dieting is sticking to it; even if you stuff up!   :)

Oh. How. Hard...!!!

It has come to my attention, that getting out of bed in the morning and going to work is tough.  So damned hard!  This thought has been with me for a while now; a month or two.  All I want to do is hide my fuller carcass away.  Eat yourself stupid and you to can wallow in self pity forever!!

Ok.  That is enough!  Stop eating.  Stop drinking.  Work hard on getting well again.  Only six more months and I can start to see light again!  Six months!

I'm going to stop wallowing.  Start cooking.  Gardening.  Enjoy being on my own.
Design a house..  Even if I don't use it!  Exercise!

And lose the 5 kilo I just put on.  :(

Stop the world... I want to get off!

Okay.  I want a house.

I've made no secret of that fact; I made no secret of it when the Squeeze was around but that wasn't something he was interested in.  Still, waking up in a hospital, and not knowing your name causes you to question, well everything,

So a house is my number one priority.  I decided I liked 'old', but that means a heap of upkeep that I don't think I'm up for!  There is nothing like swanning around a place, sitting in a window or out of the return veranda like Lady Muck!
Sipping mint juleps!!

But old is out.  If I can't buy an old place that has been magnificently done up, its out.

Hmmm, what am I going to do..?  I could look in a new estate; I mean everything is shiny and new!  Everything!!  You don't walk around at night and become two centimeters taller cause of the dust caked on your feet!

There is only one trouble with wanting a house at this moment.  I don't know where I want it!  If I stay here in Melbourne then it is pricey; not to mention the fact that I want to be back with my family.  In a familiar surrounds.  Where even I can't get lost going to town!

And all of my friends are up here...  Except for Annie and my family!  And how do I know that anyone would come visit me.  Hell, I'm lonely now!!!

Oh boy; the reality....

Okay.  I don't know a lot about brain damage.  From what I've read, aphasia can be 100% corrected - if they use the right things and if you get it in time.

I'm still waiting to see if I fit in the 100%. Mostly, it feels as if I wan't to shut myself away and yell every so often.  Of course you need money to live like a recluse.  That I don't have if I don't work.

Oh... the joys!

Back at work... Well kind of...

Today I am back at work again.  As much as I hate the alone time of a weekend, I hate to live the 'stupid time' of work as well.  My mind just doesn't hold anything.  I think it captures it just fine; its hanging onto it that doesn't work.  Not bad considering I'm a Project Manager for one of Victoria's largest health services.

This morning the women from the insurance company calls me (she is actually very nice).  I am up stairs getting a coffee; all I have is my phone when she tells me that she is making my payment and if I had the June payslip and could email her, she would organise June to be in there as well.

So I asked her if she could email me that...
Okay.  She probably thinks I'm a total doofus.  I mean I'm going to forget it between the stairs and the short walk to my office; not likely!

I get my coffee, go downstairs and back to my office and I'm surprised to find an email from her on me desktop!  Looks like I know myself!!!  Jesus!  This is so stupid!

Sunday... Hope it doesn't last too long!

I know that everyone is supposed to love Sundays.  Absolutely adore them!  But I just can't, not lately.

I get up Sunday morning and think about who do I have to kill to have the hellish day over with. Let me explain...

Last night I went to the Models with my ex boyfriend.  It sounds stupid calling him my ex boyfriend when he is 60, so not unlike my last blog, lets call him the Squeeze.  We had dinner.  Chatter followed; some light banter...  It was fun.  I already knew I was with him when he was because he is safe; even if he is the jerk who blamed our break up on me... But I regress...

He dropped me off and I got out of the car with a sweetness and light "good night!" and it was over!  And I realised that it was too cold to do any romance.  I just wanted to go to bed after a great night out!

Okay; we could have had sex. I thought about it, but when push comes to shove I want a real relationship; not one that is convenient to him.  So I guess I have to give up for a while I think, even if I leave my profile up on rsvp.

Makes me wonder if more of my list of 'changed', due to brain damage, has another scored another one.

Sex.

The Models!

Tonight, I went to see the old 80s band, the Models.  They were fantastic.  A blast from the past!

I'm not that brain damaged!  There were a couple of hundred people there who all thought the same!

Sean Kelly

Hey! Welcome...

Welcome to Post number one of the blog!

I have a blog languishing out there in neverland.  In fact, I have a few!  But my old blog, Dating A Hunchback,  I've retired.  To cut a long story short, I used to go out with a guy who continued to read it even after he kicked me to the curb.  Note, he kicked me is not a mistake...

As soon as I started talking to anyone, he'd want me back. Real dog in the manager stuff.  Don't ask because you wouldn't understand it.  Neither do I, but that's that!

So.  A new blog!

I'm Carol.  I'm 53.  Single.  And I have aphasia.
Sounds nice; kind of like a flower!

But similarity to a flower ends there.
It is the name given to a collection of language disorders caused by damage to the brain.

Great.  Brain damaged!  How am I supposed to get around this now!