Well that didn't last!

The no drinking didn't last longer than three days.  Well not this time anyhow.  Although I am writing again; not exactly writing more like editing but its getting me in the zone.

I'm not sure that I can write any more.  The words don't come as easily as they used to.  I suspect what I have to say is still in there, I've just got to pull it out.  And I'm trying!

As my friend Quigley said, 'you have 3.5 years to do it!
And paid!  Sheez!'

Quitting... Not all it's cracked up to be!

Well I quit drinking just as I said I would.

I'm not quitting forever; no... Just through the week. I plan to drink on Friday and Saturday night and any night that someone comes to visit.
That's not to say I have to... My son is coming for dinner tonight and I plan not to drink.

I have to not drink because if I have one, it miraculously keeps getting filled up. Then I'm on the slippery slope to being drunk!  It's funny because I literally don't remember things.  Then again, I don't remember things when I'm dead sober either lol

I hate not drinking.  I don't get a hangover; the worse I do is feel seedy for an hour or so.
But I feel so much clearer when I don't drink...

Sydney!!!

I'm still in bed feeling seedy. Why do I have to drink?

I'm quitting this crap today!

Sydney - here I come....

Tomorrow I fly out to Sydney to stay with my brother.  I haven't been since I was not too long out of hospital and so a borderline half wit. It should be fun!  He has a great gal who I really like, who is now his official girl (facebook status lol)

And we are going to cook up a storm!  Visit art galleries!  Ride the Harley! I bet tomorrow to Monday flies!  Just like it does here...  I don't know who messed with time when they messed with my brain but they've alot to answer to!

I haven't packed yet, but I'm starting to think about it.

This will be fun!!!!

April... WTF?

I don't understand where the year has gone.  It seems I woke up and it was April! The days fly by; I'm not sure when I ever found time to go to work!

Just this last week I've: got out of bed. Had toast for breaky.  Fed the dog.  Got dressed.  Took him for a long walk.  Get home and fluff around.
It's tea time!

I cook.  I do the dishes.  I entertain assuming I've got someone here...

I ask you; what the Hell is that about??

The wheel turns...

So life is meandering along; but I'm not looking for a job.  I know... You're thinking WTF???  But I can't look for one because my head is still all over the shop.  Oh I like to kid myself that I'm fine; I can get a job.  I even go to www.seek.com.au and search.  The problem is, finding a job that is a little different to my last one, is not easy.

I was a project manager in Victoria's largest health service.  I was implementing the electronic health record; the biggest project there.  I was having meetings with the top people!  And how am I going to go from that to a waitress or similar?

So I may just wait...

Curve Balls...

How strange.  Life has tossed me some curve balls over the last few years.  Who am I kidding.  It's always tossed me curve balls!

I had an operation and they gave me brain damage...  Well if I want to remember things its difficult (including my own name in the beginning); but I got a house...  And I never would have.

I'm a nicer person.

I stress less.  Read 'not at all' in place of less and you get my drift.

Toss and Turn.

So is it good or not..?

Anniversaries. My Dad.

Today is 2 years to the day since my Dad died.

There is hardly a day when something about him, doesn’t just pop into my head.  They are usually funny thoughts because he was a hilarious guy.  Being around him made me smile and everyone else that was lucky enough to be in his environment.

Even down to the last moments of his life.  He took it with aplomb, as he did everything. 

He had moved here when I was a baby, so about fifty years ago.  He had been the Chief Inspector of the police.  He had been a father; a friend. There wasn't a person I knew that didn't like him; and if there was, I wouldn't care to meet them.

In the ride to the facility where he died, the ambos stopped so Dad could cast his eye over Eastern Beach.

That was such a lovely thing to do and I will always be indebted to them.  They pulled over and opened up the two back doors.  Dad was tired, but he made it up on his elbows to look over the skyline of Eastern Beach.

He took a final look.  Drinking in the surrounds; let it wash over him.  Then he turned and said “let’s get this bloody show on the road!”

That was Dad.  Although my eyes sting with tears; that is the thought I will hold of him.

Love and Miss You Dad. xxxx

Met someone...

I guess you are wondering who I met...

It is actually someone I went to school with.
He's 6'2".
54 years old.
Plays guitar and sings.
That is enough I think. :)

It is too early to rave on about it.
He lives on the edge of our state, but his kids are here.
It is a bit of 'wait and see'.

But is enough that I really like him.
I haven't "liked" anyone for ages...

Big Week...

I've had a big week.
It all started when I started looking for friends.

I decided that I should look to my past...  I added a couple of people on Facebook that I went to school with.  As these things do; it grew.  I think I now have a hundred and sixteen of them.  Friends have wormed out of the woodwork so to speak - and I'm loving it.

I can't imagine the Carol that was so internally focussed, ever adding these people.  Hell, I didn't even use my own name! Choosing instead to go with Rosalita Sanchez from the University of Mexico!  I always figured that the thirty or so people that were in my life, were enough.

Now, the new me; doesn't think you can ever have enough people in your life.

When I was in rehab; almost comatose, I realised that.  I've a sister here and a brother.  I've a brother and sister that are interstate.  I have a mother here... But they all have their own lives.

So...

I'm going to get a life.

And I even met someone....

Sweat and stuff...

I'm sitting here, rivulets of sweat running down a piece of my hair to drop on my collarbone.  Yep.  That will teach me.

It all started when I sacked the lawnmower guy...

He just wasn't doing it justice as far as I could see.  There were little tufts of lawn sticking up and grass everywhere!  And I mean everywhere!!!!  No blowing the grass away which meant that for a couple of days, it was all coming in the house. By God!

So I booted him.  Sacked him.  Retrenched him.

I bought a lawnmower and a whippersnipper that I couldn't even put together; I mean you need a degree in physics to be able to read the instructions, let alone follow them.  Call me stupid, but I figure if your spending a thousand dollars at Bunnings, you need it put together!

So I called on Dylan to come around (my youngest).  Fair deal I thought. I fed him and he put the lawnmower and whippersnipper together!  I made home made beef and red wine pies.

I used to be able to follow the directions.  This is just another thing that has changed.  No more putting stuff together.

Still, I'm a nicer person.  It used to be that people would gage my reaction to anything before they would speak...  I miss her.  But I like who I am now....

Jobs... And things that go bump in the night...

Well today I applied for my first job.  I figured I may as well jump right in!  The only trouble was I used my current CV, which basically makes me sound like a God!

And that isn't me any more...  This issue with my brain means I can't think as before; can't think in many lines at once.  I'm basically a man; but hell, they get on all right!

I would have added that to a letter but there was no where to upload it...

I'm looking at it that God is watching out for me (finally).  It didn't let me upload a letter because I may have waffled on about brain damage and stuff!  Aside from that, I may be able to brazen my way through it and actually get it!  Now that would be funny and my life would be complete then..

I'd have everything.  A house.  A dog.  A job.

My God!!! I'm sweating!!!

Today I got up earlier and did the usual 'walk the dog'.  I suspect he got tired before me; I have tried to up my steps (stupid fit bit competition) to the point of going on my own sometimes, just to up my step count.

Sharpie got home from the walk and lay down on his bed, looking at me... Exhausted!

Until I went to go out then he was tail wagging.  

So we went for the second walk!

Then I went to the Supermarket; then Bunnings... Then dug up a heap of bushes and planted new ones.  Stone the crows! I'm buggered!

Jeez!  It's only quarter past two!!!

Life is settling...

I am starting to develop a routine on the days that are relatively normal.

I wake at 9 am (which after going to bed at 10 pm is astounding.)  I share breakfast with the dog in between throwing a ball.  Then he stays outside while I go inside, put a bit of make up on and a pair of pants; then its back outside to take him for a walk.

We don't go anywhere special.

Sometimes its around the streets which is amusing.  Every person I see either says hello, nods or comes in for a pat.  I should have had a dog years ago!  It would have kept the loneliness at bay!  But I guess I wasn't ready for a dog then...

Sometimes around the cemetery.  But I get lost in reading all the tombstones and wondering what they were doing when they died.  Did they know.  Expect it.  I don't look at death the same as before.
Just one other thing that I have noticed different about me; my personality, since my operation.

Sometimes its in the car where we drive down to the beach.  He runs and plays, avoiding the water, unless he sees a seagull and chases it...
then he stops ankle deep as if to say WTF???  How did I get here!???

I don't think I'm lonely.  I would love to fall in love; have that wonderful relationship where I have to pinch myself just so I know its true - but then, I don't think I've ever had that.  Only fleetingly if ever.

So its me and B Sharp; or Sharpie.  He adores me lol, that will have to be enough.

Walking the graduation king...

My puppy, Sharpie, graduated puppy school yesterday. lol   What a star!!!

 

Sharpie!

The Dog...

I bought a dog; named him Sharpie.  Or B Sharp!  Although I should point out that neither he, nor I, is musical! I gave up the piano when I got this house. It was doing nothing more that collecting dust anyhow!

Sharpie is smart as a whip and cute as a button.  He's also TROUBLE!  Oh he could be worse.  I hear the other owners at puppy school going on about them waking up at 3am or chewing shoes...  Mine doesn't do anything like that.  He really is very good.

He loves me to pieces.  So much so that whenever I walk, he is about level with my heels; sometimes weaving in and out of them.  This would be fine but I've already taken a spill, knocked myself out and landed in hospital!  I've got a scar above my eye from it!

He wants to be with me all the time.  When I put him outside and close the laundry door so he doesn't get the run of the house, he makes a pitiful little sound!

Damned cute dog!

I've moved! Cities!!

It may have taken a hurcleon effort; but I have moved from the city of Melbourne to Geelong.  Okay; its not exactly in the country, but it sure feels like it!

At night, I can hear it.  It's different.  The silence!  It is a thing of beauty really.

Not a tram; there are no trams in Geelong.
Not a train; I'm not near a station.
Not never ending traffic.
Everybody is not in an endless rush to be God knows where.

And the people seem genuinely nice.
I walked to the supermarket the other day and passed four people; each said hello; some stopped to pat my dog.  The dog... Sharpie.  That is a whole other story!!!

So, I now live in the country.  And I love it...

Sharpie!  Enjoying the Sun!